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Managing Triggers and Flashbacks
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One of the most difficult "side effects" of abuse is triggers and flashback. Flashbacks are intense memories, often consuming all perception or current reality. They are frightening and debilitating and can seem impossible to control.
While there is no sure fire way to stop flashbacks altogether, there are a few things that can help.
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Learn your Triggers. This can be a long process but it is important. Some triggers are obvious, clear connections to the abuse which upset you. Some are less obvious, a smell, a sound, a word. whenever you come out of a flashback or memory, try and remember what happened right beforehand. You may not be able to pinpoint it right away, but note down anything you remember. Your therapist can help you look for patterns, haelp you identify and process the reason for the trigger and can help you either avoid that trigger or become desensitized to it.
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Create and carry a trigger kit. A Trigger kit is a collection of small things you carry with you to help you in the case of flashbacks outside your home. You can put anything in your kit that helps you feel safe. Here are a few ideas:
- Emergency Numbers This is a list of telephone numbers for people who can help you in a crisis such as your therapist, SO and close friends. You may also want to include a few local crisis lines in case your support people are unavailable. (Remember to Keep your mobile phone, or change for a pay phone, close as well)
- Pen and Paper It is important to keep track of what happened before the flashback and anything you can write down about the memory itself. This will be helpful in processing the flashback now and in understanding it later with your therapist.
- Grounding Aids Further down the page I will talk about grounding Techniques. Grounding Aids are simply physical items which help you to get grounded like a small toy or favorite stone.
- Scrunchy It is always a good idea to have one of these to get your hair out of your face in case it is making the flashback worse or in case the memory has an effect on your stomach. Also, you can put it on your wrist and snap it to aid grounding.
- Medications If you have any prescriptions used to help with anxiety or stress which can be taken at any time, keep a dose or two with you. Also, it is a good idea to always carry a dose each of basic headache and stomachache tablets just in case.
- Bus or Taxi Fare Flashbacks can obviously cause switches. You do not want to be stranded somewhere if a little who cannot drive suddenly seizes control.
- Pictures Pictures you find soothing as well as pictures of your current family, friends, home, etc. They can soothe your nerves as well as help you to remember that this is the present and what you are remembering is the past.
- Ask for Help inside. As you get to know your system, you will learn to communicate with each otehr as well as learning who handles what situations. If a flashback is just too strong, try calling out to those inside for help. They may not be able to stop the memory, but they can at least try and help you keep the body safe during it.
 Develop a Safety Plan. Every system is different, so I will not go into much detail here. All I will say is, it is a good idea to work with your therapist on creating a safety plan for what to do when flashbacks hit. You may want to have several to cope with different circumstances. It is also a good idea to make a plan for other potentially dangerous situations like being contacted by the perps, self injurous or suicidal thoughts, and "waking up" to find yourself in a bad place.- Get to safety. If the people you are around are not safe or are not likely to understand, leave. If you are in an environment where you are likely to hurt yourself or be hurt, leave. Find a safe place to be alone with your feelings or go to a trusted friend, family member or caring professional.
- Comfort those inside. Flashbacks are often the result of someone inside feeling overwhelmed, frightened or wanting to communicate with you but not knowing how. Reassure them that they are safe now. Remind them of when and where you are and how your life is different from the bad times. Explain that you want to hear what they have to say and know it is important and that it would be much easier to listen if they could just talk with you rather than submerging you ina memory.
- Do not try and sort it all out now. Flashbacks can sometimes contain fragments of various memories, or one memory from various viewpoints of different insiders. Don't worry about trying to sort it all out now. Take notes on what you remember and then put it away to deal with when you are feeling safer and have a support person around.
- Comfort and pamper yourself. Ask yourself, "If I knew a child who had just experienced what I just remembered, what would he/she need for comfort and safety?" Give yourself what you answer. Also ask inside if anyone has anything special they want or would like to do and oblige them as much as possible. It really is ok to spend a day vegging in front of the TV, or to have a less than healthy breakfast just this once. You probably received very little comfort or pampering as a shild, or if you did, it most likely had a hefty price attached. Don't you think you deserve to have those things now?
Give yourself time. This stuff is hard. your abuse didn't take place in one night. It didn't take one night for your system to develop, or one night to be bound by all the old rules. It will take more than one night to heal. And that is ok. Give yourself permission to go as slowly as you need and to process these memories at your own pace. Pushing yourself too hard will only retraumatize you and our insiders which is the exact opposite of what you want.- Grounding Techniques During a flashback, the thing that is most difficult is losing tough with the present. Oneof the best things you can do for yourself is to actively help your mind and body reconnect to your surroundings. The following list contains lots of ideas for helping you to get grounded. As always, only do those that feel comfortable, safe and practical. If one of these techniques seems to worsen the flashback, or cause any other problems, stop immediately and move on to another one.
- Sit up straight with your feet flat on the floor. Inhale through your nose, count to ten, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat as many times as necesary.
- Talk about what you are experiencing with someone who is really listening and is not afraid to ask questions.
- Remind yourself that you are safe. Tell yourself that you are remembering what happened in the past and that you are in the present -- safe.
- Write down what you saw, how it felt, and what you are currently feeling.
- Tell yourself that you are not going crazy. Flashbacks are part of the healing process. They are not going to make you crazy, even though it feels that way.
- Do something physical, such as walking or running in place, pounding your fists on a pillow, or shredding newspaper.
- Call people on your emergency numbers list.
- Ground yourself with an object of empowerment and safety such as a toy, favorite stone or shell, or anything special and close to hand.
- Look at the daily newspaper or look one up online. Notice the date and read a current article.
- Stomp your feet to remind yourself where you are. Press your feet firmly into the ground.
- Try to notice where you are, the surroundings including the people and the sounds, like the T.V. or radio.
- Cross your arms and legs. Feel the sensations of you controlling your body.
- Call a friend and ask them to talk with you about something you've recently done together.
- Take a warm relaxing bubble bath or a warm shower. Feel the water touching your body. Vary the temperature and pressure of the water and notice the differences.
- Keep a rubber band on your wrist and pluck it. Feel the slight sting as it touches your skin.
- Give yourself permission to think about it later and to be ok right now.
- Realize that no matter how small you feel, you are an adult (the body is at least). If you have kids, think about them now.
- Find your pulse on your wrist and count the beats per minute. Concentrate on feeling the blood pulse throughout your body.
- Go outside and sit against a tree. Feel the bark pressing against your body. Smell the outside aromas like the grass and the leaves. Run your fingers through the grass. Feel the sun on your face and listen to sounds like birds singing.
- If you are sitting, stand. If you are standing, sit. Pay attention to the movement change. Remind yourself- You are in control.
- Rub your palms. Clap your hands. Listen to the sounds. Feel the sensations.
- Speak out loud. Say your name or your child's name or your significant others name. Say the date, where you are or tell yourself out loud that you are safe.
- Hold something that you find comforting, for some it may be a stuffed animal or a blanket. Notice how it feels in your hands. Is it hard or soft?
- Eat something. How does it taste? Sweet or Sour? Is it warm or cold?
- If you have a pet, use that moment to touch them. Feel their fur and speak the animal's name out loud.
- Go to a mirror and make yourself smile. Watch your reflection as the statement changes. How does it make you feel?
- Visualize a bright red stop sign to help you stop the flashback and/or memory. Step outside. If it's warm feel the sun shining down on your face. If it's cold, feel the breeze. How does it make your body feel?
- During a non-crisis time make a list of things that are in your house and what room they are in. Give this list to friends that you can call during a flashback so they can help remind you what is around you.
- During a non-crisis time make a list of positive affirmations. Print them out and keep them handy for when you are having a flashback. During a flashback read the list out loud.
- Take walk outside and notice your neighborhood. Pay attention to houses and count them. Notice the differences between this neighborhood and the one you grew up in.
- Listen to familiar music and sing along to it. Dance to it. If you are feeling angry, put on angry music and scream to it.
- Go online and talk with an online friend. Write an email.
- Imagine yourself in a safe place. Feel the safety and know it.
- Watch a favorite TV program or video. Play a video or computer game.
- Wash dishes or clean your house.
- Meditate or pray if you are comfortable with it.
- Exercise. Ride a bike, stationary or otherwise. Lift weights. Do jumping jacks.
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